Potter vs Trelawney
by zipple
Summary: Just some British stereotyping and silliness.


This ficlet was born from two things: A) a recent obsession of mine to drink lots and lots of tea and B) the crazy amount of tea leaves used in the POA movie. The point is to see a shape, not blanket the bottom of the cup for Merlin's sake!

It looks like the woman snipped open a bag of Liptons before brewing. Trelawney is a certified whack-a-doo, the tea she gives the students is proof.

* * *

It was hot and muggy in Divination, like always. Ron was out with a vision problem, as in 'couldn't see myself going to class, you're on your own, mate'.

Harry blinked stupidly through the fog of tedium as Trelawney blathered about the tea leaves, the mystic waves and the general crap that Harry suspected was just code for 'fancy words means I keep my job'.

Whatever reason Trelawney had for the blather, it generally ended up the same way: 'Harry Potter is going to die'. The variations were the only reason to stick around. It occurred to everyone (with the exception of Lavender and Pavarti) that A: it was a safe bet that someone might kill Harry and B: there were only so many times someone could get killed. Predicting a few dozen variations a term tended to destroy credibility, not benefit it.

Just when Harry was nodding off, Trelawney instructed the class to collect a tea cup and come up to have it filled. Harry groaned and proceeded to move like he was walking through treacle, cursing tea the entire way. He was last, which brought the unfortunate circumstance of getting the dregs of the pot, meaning most the tea leaves that weren't stuck to the bottom.

Harry took his seat, looking dismally at the heavily polluted tea. If he drank it, he'd be picking leaves from his teeth for a week. Not to mention the bitterness of leaves that would continue to brew unless he drank it all right away.

Harry looked around him as other students began to drain their cups. He was about to toss his tea and take the detention, when he happened to glance at the shelf behind Trelawney.

He hopped up as quickly as he could and grabbed the little strainer that Trelawney obviously kept for her private tea. He grabbed another cup on the way back to his seat.

If there was one thing Harry hated, it was bitter tea, so he wasted no time in registering the reaction of someone moving so quickly in a room that generally stopped all time. He quickly topped the empty cup with the strainer and emptied the contents of his full cup into it.

Being very pleased with himself, Harry sat back and admired his lovely, amber-colored, leaf-free brew. He took a hearty sip and sighed happily. Why hadn't he thought of this sooner?

The class was silent, staring at Harry in wonder. Then they turned their attention to Trelawney, who, by her expression, had definitely not predicted this turn of events.

If this were Snape, there would be a grin followed by a horrific detention. McGonagall would give a lecture. Lupin would give him a bit of praise for cleverness and a soft reprimand and a smile. Trelawney- well…

It was a simple fact that Trelawney rarely gave punishments. The perfume and laziness of the room rarely allowed anyone to act out, besides she was typically oblivious to any bad behavior.

Trelawney blinked owlishly behind her glasses, then stood up and walked toward Harry's seat. She towered over him, her hair blocking out a great deal of light.

Harry gulped, setting his tea on the table and glanced upwards at her. He waited for a remark, some indication of her mood, some inkling telling him how much trouble he just earned for himself. She looked from Harry's face to his cup and back to his face again. Her expression was impassive as she leaned in, closely examining her full-to-the-brim strainer and Harry's pristine cup.

Finally fixing her eyes on Harry's, she leaned in until they were nose to nose. Harry felt the room gasp and he struggled not to back away from the invasion. Her eyes were magnified 100 fold by their comblined glasses and the close proximity. His eyes began to twitch and water, but he was determined to hold strong.

Just when he thought he was about to go cross-eyed, Trelawney pulled away. Harry rocked back in his chair, gob-smacked, but Trelawney wasn't phased. Her attention was no longer on Harry, but behind him.

"Oh, hello Mr. Weasley! I'm so glad you decided to join us!"

Harry blinked and turned in his chair sharply to look, but no one was coming through the trap door. Then he heard a clink of metal and some scattered snickering.

He turned back around, but Trelawney was already walking to the front of the class. Harry glanced down at his cup, only to find the contents of the strainer had been unceremoniously dumped into his nice cup of tea.

"Drink up, Mr Potter!"

Son of a-


End file.
